efrain: hi could i get a cafe au lait?
starbucks zombie(aka: sbx3A): You don’t wanna cafe au lait. You wanna misto.
efrain: well what would i get if i asked for a cafe au lait?
sbx3A: Sir, there’s no such thing as a cafe au lait. You are a moron. What you really want is a misto.
efrain: (gasp) how rude!
sbx3A: Okay, um, Stephanie—
efrain: hey my name’s not Stephanie!
sbx3A: Right. I’m gonna call you Stephanie. Firstly, you are a liar and you are a whore, Stephanie. You want a tall Misto and you’re going to like it. (hands efrain the drink)
efrain: wha? oh. wow, you guys are fast.
sbx3A: yes. we are the Starbucks, and there is none else. Now taste your drink.
efrain: (sipping slowly) wow. whaddayaknow? it is pretty good. what is that? is that vanilla in there?
sbx3A: The Starbucks does not give out its secrets. For the unrighteous cannot know our ways, thus saith The Starbucks.
efrain: right. okay, well, what was I angry about anyway?
sbx3A: You were angry at your own inadequacies in the presence of an holy Coffee. The Starbucks was revealing unto you the error of your ways. oh and here’s a free drink coupon for your next visit.
efrain: oh thanks! wow, The Starbucks sure did set me on the right track today. i feel like a new person. i’ll see you later! (walks out)
sbx3A: Goodbye Stephanie. And you will see us later, oh yes, you will see us later….
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While this story is completely untrue, still this sorta thing would never happen at Rollick’s
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