Fun & Humor
a starbucks orientation: day one through seven
STARBUCKS ORIENTATION: DAY ONE
No longer shall you live by your birth name, for from henceforth your name shall be called, Partner SBX6629Z.
Now, Partner SBX6629Z, repeat after me:
We are the Starbucks and there is none else. Now repeat that 700 times while bowing to the Holy Mermaid. Cast not your eyes upon the spot where once was the button of the belly; for on that day you shall surely die.
STARBUCKS ORIENTATION: DAY TWO
Make sure to sprinkle the word ‘Starbucks’ into your conversations throughout the day. Say the word at least 17, 689 times. . Become one with the Starbucks, for there is none else.
STARBUCKS ORIENTATION: DAY THREE
Drink every drink on our menu, memorize the ingredients, caffeine content, calories, fat grams, know how to make each one and every possible combination thereof, ignore all italian roots to espresso drinks and the caffe scene, and know how many little Mexicans it took to make one pound of our glorious “Casi Cielo” coffee.
STARBUCKS ORIENTATION: DAY FOUR
Become One with the Starbucks, for there is none else.
Repeat Day Two. Day Two and Three are very important to repeat because after a few years, you may be eligible to be considered to be on the waiting list of nominations for Partner of the Month.
But don’t hold your breath.
STARBUCKS ORIENTATION: DAY SIX
The Number 5 does not exist. We are the Starbucks, we have power over all things, including the ability to remove the existence of numbers. and there is none else.
STARBUCKS ORIENTATION: DAY SEVEN
Take heed: free drinks ONLY when you are working, and never a friends or family discount unless another partner is the cashier. for the day unto which you disobey this commandment, you shall surely die….again.
You are now disciples of the Starbucks. Go ye, therefore unto all nations, multiply and dominate. Spread the good news of all that is the Starbucks, for there is none else.
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